I have not finished last one but somehow I posted. I am sorry about that.
Anyway I was having hard time with my mother. This happened made me think how much I trust in God and how much I really know(understand) his words(truths). When I was talking to my mother, I didn't have a peace. Why? I was struggling because whatever she said is not God's will. But not only that reason. I think I still tried to control myself instead of giving the control to God. I forgot that "It is all about him. It is NOT about me!" My life is given from God and is for his glory. Whenever I remember this, I have a peace because nothing can bother me. When I focus on myself, I get upset, sad,depress easily.

"For from him and through him and to him are all things." Romans 11:36

Everything that is giving to us is from God and all is his glory.

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God" 1 Corinthians 10:31

Francis Chan asks in his book 「Crazy love」 "What does that mean for you and says? Frankly you need to get over yourself" I often remember how God has saved me and how he has changed me and thank God for all of that. And I tell God that I will give everything to him and I will live my life for him. Then how come can I be selfish so easily???

How much could I sacrifice myself for him in this trip? Could I surrender everything to him??

Before I came to Christ I always wanted to be cared, to be understood and to be loved by my mother in my life. My relation with her influenced my relations to others. I was always trying to feel love by being accepted and getting attentions by others. To feel love I always decided to do whatever people told me to do even I thought it was not right sometimes. I could not know what is the truth and what is the lie. "Be the person whom everyone likes = Be perfect" was the biggest purpose in my life. Francis Chan says

"When we face the holy God, "nice" isn't what we will be concerned with, and it definitely isn't what He will be thinking about. Any compliments you received on earth will be gone; all the reality of who we are before God."

(By Crazy love)

Knowing the truth(God and his words) is my precious treasure.

I have been asking myself this

"I know the truth but how much do I know(understand) and believe?"

It is so important to us to remind ourselves each day that our lives are for God's glory and because of the truth we can trust in Him and have peace and joy.

Holy God thank you so much for the truth and the promise you gave to me. Thank you for my life. God please help me to understand your words more and trust in you all I do. Please give me the strength to do only your will. Please let me the light to others. Thank you so much for your everlasting love.

I went to my home town two weeks ago. It had been one year since I went there last time.

I was so excited to see my family, to see how much I have grown as Christian and to share God's love with my family but at same time I was a little concerned about staying with my mother.

It was so nice to see my family. I had good time with them, specially with my nieces and nephews. I could tell them about God and Jesus and give them bible and some Christian book. One of my sisters children have been giving thanks to God before each meal since I visited them last time. That was a big encouragement. They always asked me to pray with them.

The hardest part of this trip was my mother. She had kept asking me to go out with one Japanese guy. (The guy is her friend's son. I met him on the second day.I believe my mother and her friend set up without telling me) I kept told her that I am not interested because he is not Christian. She got upset and told me that I need to listen to her. I was really tired of listening to her. It made me so sad. Because my relations with my mother have never gotten close I always feel I have never been a good daughter to her.

I understood that she wants me to marry and have some children. I do want to make her happy as her daughter but what she wants is not what God wants. I want make God happy more than anyone else. He is the one who found me and who loves me more than anyone.